Sex. No, I do not mean copulation. I am referring to the box on forms, surveys, and questionnaires.

Here I have a major dilemma, they rarely give more than two options, female or male. In surveys, a basic assumption is that one is female or male. I have noticed that most forms have you circle one or the other. They don't leave room for user inputs. In taking a recent survey, I had some problems: In many of the questions, it was assumed that I was either female or male. I am intersex - neither female / male and both female / male. I was not sure how to handle it in some of the questions, so I went ahead and put down that I am "other" when asked what sex I am (This particular form included "other" in a pull down menu).

Yet, that box marked "sex" was not the end of it. Later, when asked, I put down that I am a bisexual male, since the question did not allow for an option which reflected who I am (in this case, the options were on a pull down menu). This is clearly a lie, but the truth was not offered as an option. I am bisexual, it was the male part that I have problems with. I was surgically reassigned to look like a male when I was an infant. This is purely an illusion. The illusion is maintained in most areas of life, I have to pick male or female. Yet, I have to lie every time I answer one of these questionnaires. It is a social structure which helps maintain the illusion that there are only males and females in existence.

With the internet growing, with more and more questions having a pull down box, sex on many computer forms not only is female / male options only, but a required field. Forms won't submit without answering the question. Whichever I pick is a lie.

I have never been accepted by peers as male or female when I was growing up. The scalpel does not cut deep enough to wipe out being a hermaphrodite. Even if people do not say the word, they still respond to my gender differently than if I had been born a female or a male. Even when I tried to pass as a male when I had jobs in the past, I never was able to fit in as a male. I got passed up for promotions and have even been fired for not being manly enough. Part of it may be physical. I have a bone structure that is neither female nor male and both. Part of it may be energy. I put out both female energy and male energy. Even dressed in male clothing, with short hair, facial hair, and all the trimmings, store clerks still asked me "Can I help you Madame".

Many times I come across a question that asks me to make a decision based on the concept of "opposite sex" For me, there is no "opposite sex". These options should be added for those of us who identify as two spirit and/or intersex. Perhaps this will help, women are not the opposite sex for me. Men are not the opposite sex for me. Because I am both female and male, an opposite sex does not exist for me.

I mention this because I feel it is an important distinction in how one is socialized and accepted. This has a great impact, even more impact than my sexual orientation. One of the first things people want to know about someone they just meet is if they are female or male. It is usually the first question asked when one is born. Being such, it is an important question. Just think about it for a moment. "Is it a boy or a girl?" We are an "it", not even a human being, until given one label or the other.

When one is of the third gender, things get complicated real fast. Currently, I use both public restrooms, the boys room and the girls room. Depends how I am dressed. Even clothes are for the most part male or female, but how I wear them can really stir things up. When I wear a dress, I have all the pokey out parts in the "wrong" places. There have even been a few times when I wore "men's" clothes with false breasts and my penis tucked away, but I never do that in a dress.

I personally know several bisexuals who identify as two spirit, being both female and male. Some of them do not identify as intersex, nor is there evidence to support that they were born intersex. But, they do identify as two spirit and being androgynous. They too feel great frustration being lumped into slot male or slot female. We are not transsexual, as that gives only two options as an outcome - female or male. In no way am I knocking the transsexual movement, it has opened many doors. But I would like to have the option of having my vagina without losing my male parts.

This may seem a picky item, but I see too many questionnaires and surveys that do not reflect who I am and what I am. They do not allow the option for me to exist as a hermaphrodite. They do not allow for two spirits to exist. They do not allow an outcome of being both female and male when doing transgender surgery. Maybe part of the problem is that until we name it and include it in our questions and surveys, it does not exist. Maybe I do not exist, as "it" is not an option for adults when ask what sex one is. But I refuse to contribute to this illusion any more.

Thanks.

BiLove

Gigi Raven Wilbur

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